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Losing Weight ~ Birthdays Binging, and Bars

October 31, 2015

If you’ve followed this topic on my blog, you’ll know that I’ve had a rough couple of months when it comes to losing weight. My food addiction was getting harder to fight. I caved in to my cravings more and more. Most of the times I managed to be somewhat lighter at the end of each month, except for August, when I gained weight. But even though I managed to came back from each downfall, I kept feeling the struggle inside me. I was at war with my addiction. A war I sometimes seemed to win, but at some days I lost gloriously.

This month I faced an extra challenge. October 8th was my birthday. And birthdays are usually not accompanied with the healthiest lifestyle. Mine wasn’t either. I drank sugary booze, I ate cake filled with chocolate mousse and I ate sweets and cookies my pen pals sent me. I enjoyed my treats like any other person would. But for me that also resulted in triggering my addiction again. Enjoying these delicious snacks because it’s a special day is one thing, stopping the next is a whole different story.

I found myself in the pantry more and more after my birthday, looking for unhealthy snacks (of which we obviously had tons left). I binged everyday. I felt awful about it, but I also felt like I couldn’t stop it.

The scale didn’t help. It showed higher numbers everyday, up until a point where I weighed over 106 kg again, a fallback of several month hard work. I felt terrible about this. I even couldn’t bring myself to blog about it halfway through this month. A few months ago, my weight had been 101.5 kg already. I almost gave up, thought a healthy lifestyle was not written in the stars for me. But even thinking about giving up made me so sad, that I decided I needed another strategy instead.

Losing weight gradually by changing your lifestyle into a healthy one most definitely is the healthiest way to lose weight. I don’t argue with that. But for me, at this point in my life, it might not be the best way. If I keep having fallbacks like this, I just need a few days to wipe out months of work. That’s the most demoting thing ever. And when I’m demotivated, I’ll eat even more.

I needed something to keep me from having fallbacks. I needed a boost, something that helped me And I knew what that was. I had done it in the past and lost 20 kg then. I would have shakes for breakfast and meal bars for lunch. In the evening I would eat a regular meal. I knew that by doing this, I would stop looting the pantry, simply because I wouldn’t want to undo the hard work of the day. Because having shakes and bars only isn’t easy. It’s a sacrifice. One I’m willing to take for my health and one I won’t undo by eating chocolate on the same day.

I know it’s not the healthiest way to lose weight. It may not be healthy at all. But being obese isn’t either. And being obese is a permanent thing, one of which I may die in the end, if I won’t do something about it. The choice really isn’t that hard.

I have been doing this for one week now (with weekends off). In addition to the shakes and bars I decided to try appetite suppressants for the first time in my life. Pills that are supposed to take your appetite away. I never tried these pills, because my craving are mostly emotional and also because I was a bit scared of them. But honestly, at this point I should try everything to keep me from having fallbacks.

I don’t know if it was the pills or the shakes and bars or both, but it worked. I did not have unhealthy snacks anymore. The addiction was a lot easier to fight. It just wasn’t logical anymore to binge. A few pen pals have sent me belated birthday gifts, which all contained sweets or chocolates. I stored them for later use and I’m proud to say that up until today, I tried one chocolate. Just the one. The rest I put back to enjoy later. This is something I could not have imagined at the beginning of this month. The new strategy has brought me a long way already!

I am seeing my weight drop again. Almost every day I am a lighter person than the day before. And today I am proud to say that I am even lighter than last month. My weight is now 103,8 kg. Something that seemed impossible a couple of weeks ago. But if you truly set your mind to something, nothing is impossible.

I will keep using this strategy for a while. I might lose the pills soon and see if I can do it without as well, but the shakes and bars will be a part of my life for some time. I will keep you updated!

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