Be healthy Lose weight

Losing Weight ~ Birthdays Binging, and Bars

October 31, 2015

If you’ve followed this topic on my blog, you’ll know that I’ve had a rough couple of months when it comes to losing weight. My food addiction was getting harder to fight. I caved in to my cravings more and more. Most of the times I managed to be somewhat lighter at the end of each month, except for August, when I gained weight. But even though I managed to came back from each downfall, I kept feeling the struggle inside me. I was at war with my addiction. A war I sometimes seemed to win, but at some days I lost gloriously.

This month I faced an extra challenge. October 8th was my birthday. And birthdays are usually not accompanied with the healthiest lifestyle. Mine wasn’t either. I drank sugary booze, I ate cake filled with chocolate mousse and I ate sweets and cookies my pen pals sent me. I enjoyed my treats like any other person would. But for me that also resulted in triggering my addiction again. Enjoying these delicious snacks because it’s a special day is one thing, stopping the next is a whole different story.

I found myself in the pantry more and more after my birthday, looking for unhealthy snacks (of which we obviously had tons left). I binged everyday. I felt awful about it, but I also felt like I couldn’t stop it.

The scale didn’t help. It showed higher numbers everyday, up until a point where I weighed over 106 kg again, a fallback of several month hard work. I felt terrible about this. I even couldn’t bring myself to blog about it halfway through this month. A few months ago, my weight had been 101.5 kg already. I almost gave up, thought a healthy lifestyle was not written in the stars for me. But even thinking about giving up made me so sad, that I decided I needed another strategy instead.

Losing weight gradually by changing your lifestyle into a healthy one most definitely is the healthiest way to lose weight. I don’t argue with that. But for me, at this point in my life, it might not be the best way. If I keep having fallbacks like this, I just need a few days to wipe out months of work. That’s the most demoting thing ever. And when I’m demotivated, I’ll eat even more.

I needed something to keep me from having fallbacks. I needed a boost, something that helped me And I knew what that was. I had done it in the past and lost 20 kg then. I would have shakes for breakfast and meal bars for lunch. In the evening I would eat a regular meal. I knew that by doing this, I would stop looting the pantry, simply because I wouldn’t want to undo the hard work of the day. Because having shakes and bars only isn’t easy. It’s a sacrifice. One I’m willing to take for my health and one I won’t undo by eating chocolate on the same day.

I know it’s not the healthiest way to lose weight. It may not be healthy at all. But being obese isn’t either. And being obese is a permanent thing, one of which I may die in the end, if I won’t do something about it. The choice really isn’t that hard.

I have been doing this for one week now (with weekends off). In addition to the shakes and bars I decided to try appetite suppressants for the first time in my life. Pills that are supposed to take your appetite away. I never tried these pills, because my craving are mostly emotional and also because I was a bit scared of them. But honestly, at this point I should try everything to keep me from having fallbacks.

I don’t know if it was the pills or the shakes and bars or both, but it worked. I did not have unhealthy snacks anymore. The addiction was a lot easier to fight. It just wasn’t logical anymore to binge. A few pen pals have sent me belated birthday gifts, which all contained sweets or chocolates. I stored them for later use and I’m proud to say that up until today, I tried one chocolate. Just the one. The rest I put back to enjoy later. This is something I could not have imagined at the beginning of this month. The new strategy has brought me a long way already!

I am seeing my weight drop again. Almost every day I am a lighter person than the day before. And today I am proud to say that I am even lighter than last month. My weight is now 103,8 kg. Something that seemed impossible a couple of weeks ago. But if you truly set your mind to something, nothing is impossible.

I will keep using this strategy for a while. I might lose the pills soon and see if I can do it without as well, but the shakes and bars will be a part of my life for some time. I will keep you updated!

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Tanya de Kruijff
Hello there! I’m Tanya, writer, translator and blogger. I am doing 101 goals in 1001 days, because I want to turn my dreams into reality. I hope my goals will inspire you to live your life to the fullest as well!

Besides this blog I also write short stories, columns, plays, video scripts, subtitles and so much more. If you’d be interested in hiring me to write for you, please check out Typisch Tanya. If you’d like to read my stories, you can visit me on Tanya’s tales.

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