Losing Weight ~ At War With my Addiction

August 1, 2015

Today I bought a new friend. A friend who is going to give me good news in the morning. A friend who is going to cheer me up when I’m insecure. A friend who is telling me I’m doing great and that I have made all the right choices. This friend is going to tell me I am losing weight!

Butterfly Scale (7)At least I hope so. My previous Scale was kind of a frenemy to me. Some days I loved him, other days I despised him. July was a month of despise. Of course it was my own fault The Scale yelled all the wrong numbers at me at most days. I was the one who went to a sushi restaurant. I was the one who had French fries as a take out meal. And I was the one who ate candy like there was no tomorrow. But still, I had hoped him to be more friendly to me in the mornings.

Of course butterflies will not solve that problem. But come on, who wouldn’t cheer up instantly by getting to look at purple and silver butterflies every morning? Who wouldn’t try as hard as possible to keep this pretty girl as sweet as she looks? It can only help, right? But besides the butterflies I bought this little jewel because it doesn’t only tell me who much I weigh, but also what my fat percentage and my water percentage is and apparently even how much my bones way. I don’t have a clue how she know all this, she must be very wise.

So July went wrong. Why? Honestly, I think the sushi restaurant and the French fries didn’t make that much of a damage (although they might not have helped much either). I blame the sweets. But mostly myself. I mean, why did I start eating those tiny devils anyway?

When I’m thinking back, I find a simple explanation. Food is an addiction. It’s as much as an addiction as cigarettes or alcohol or drugs or gambling. You can get rid of this addiction to a certain extend, by being very strong and persistent. But if you’re being confronted with your addiction, you’ll fall back.

Obviously it’s impossible never to be confronted with food anymore, so I am trying very hard to manage my addiction while being surrounded by food. I deliberately plan certain snack moments and certain moments of abstinence, as to train myself to be allowed to eat sweets to a certain degree, instead of binge eating snacks like I used to in the past. This went fairly well even.

Until I got parcel pals. I joined a wonderful Facebook group with people who do parcel exchanges with each other. It’s very common to slip some local sweets in the parcel, because everyone likes to try stuff from other countries. So I bought typical Dutch cookies and sweets for my parcel pals. Not to eat myself.

Except I did. I could not resist all these yummie treats laying around in my pantry. At first I didn’t mind, because one slip doesn’t really matter. As long as I’d get back on track the next day. Except I didn’t. My addiction got hungry and gained power. Until I could not fight it back anymore and I surrendered.

I hated myself for doing that, because I noticed The Scale giving me bad news day after day. Why did I do this to myself? I had accomplished so much already in these past few months. June had also been a hard month, but I fought back and I felt proud. Why did I lose control again?

Last week I decided I had to start fighting back again. I told myself not to eat sweets this week an to eat low-carb meals as much as I could. I even wrote it in my planner in big fat letters. Somehow this helped. I don’t understand why exactly, but making these agreements with myself grows a kind off strength in me somehow. My breakfast and lunches were all low-carb. One time I even had a low-carb dinner. I didn’t touch the sweets who were still laying in my pantry. I saw my weight drop again. What an accomplishment! The only time I failed to stick to my own resolution was when I got a parcel myself. I was from the UK and it contained fudge. British Fudge! Oh my god, i HAD to try one. One became a serious handful. But then I stopped. I put the remaining sweets (yes, there were remains) in a container and put it in the pantry. I conquered my addiction once more.

I do not even remember how much I had gained during the fallback, but the numbers weren’t pretty. This morning though, my weight had dropped to 102,2 kg (224,8 lbs)! That’s 700 g (1,6 lbs) less than a month before! In order to nail this weight loss goal, I’ll have to lose an average of 1 kg (2,2 lbs) each month. I am now 9 months into the Day Zero Project, which means I would have to have lost 9 kg (19,8 lbs) by now. I have lost a total of 9,3 kg (20,5 lbs). So I’m still on track!

However, I’m getting a little bit tired of having fall-backs all the time of course. So here’s my plan for this month:

  1. Use my pretty new Butterfly Scale to check my weight every morning.
  2. Eat low-carb breakfasts and lunches five times a week.
  3. Eat low-carb dinners two times a week at minimum.
  4. Blog about low-carb recipes.
  5. Allow myself to eat sweets once a week at maximum.

The fourth point helps me trying out new recipes I believe, which will prevent the low-carb meals from getting boring.

I am proud of having fought back when my addiction was at war with me. But I hope these steps will prevent me from having fall-backs for once. Wouldn’t that be nice?


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  • Reply caendicott August 5, 2015 at 7:12 pm

    Good luck on your weight loss journey. I haven’t had a scale around in 2 1/2 years. That’s not bragging either. I kinda wish I had one because I gained weight during the last year of my Master’s Degree because I was sitting in front of a computer ALL DAY. I’m working on getting back in shape (treadmill and eating unprocessed foods). I had to stop allowing sweets into the house, because I have absolutely no willpower. Now if I want sweets, I have to make them myself. I don’t make them in a big of quantities as you can buy, and they don’t have preservatives in them.

    • Tanya de Kruijff
      Reply Tanya de Kruijff August 5, 2015 at 10:09 pm

      Good luck to you as well! Eating unprocessed foods is helping a lot, I think. Whenever I cut down on wheats and sugar, I see the results on the scale the next day! I never tried making my own sweets. Sounds good!

  • Reply Brittany Dickerson August 6, 2015 at 12:50 pm

    Good luck! I am also on a weight loss journey. I have over 100 pounds I need to lose. I am really struggling with my water intake and cutting out the soda. I joined weight watchers. I don’t know how well that is going to work out yet.

    • Tanya de Kruijff
      Reply Tanya de Kruijff August 6, 2015 at 2:58 pm

      Good luck with your weight loss journey as well! For me it really helped seeing this as a long-term plan. Losing one kg every month is much more doable than losing all of it in a period not specified, or in a period too short. Maybe this will help you as well. Good luck!

  • Reply Julia August 7, 2015 at 12:24 am

    You are doing great! Just dont give up! The key is to change your lifestyle so that when you loose it you keep it off.

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